Goodbye Friends and Neighbors, Farewell to the CIty that has embraced us so warmly pt 2

Goodbye Friends and Neighbors, Farewell to the CIty that has embraced us so warmly

Leaving La Rochelle

I am so sad right now. I feel like I am being torn apart and I'm not sure where the pieces will end up. As we investigate returning to Chicago but finding a new neighborhood,a new school for the kids, and new schedule I feel like I am going to a country more foreign than this was when we came. When we arrived in La Rochelle we had someone help us find a place to live, recommend a good school and were so lucky as to live just around the corner from the school. Somehow I never doubted from the first time I visited the schools that they would be a place where I could be comfortable leaving my kids, even with them not speaking the language. In Chicago, every school is like a fortress, and a labyrnth- they all seem so big, so distant, so troubled, so industrial. I was so set on this idea of having continuity between our experience here and after our return by Miette being able to continue in the bilingual French-American School. After tireless searching, and an increase in our price range for rent, there still is nothing available in the district which is necessary for enrollment in that school. I feel like I am so lost again, and with one week to go , we are back at square one. I know we have been exceptionally lucky here, and that it's not everywhere in France that you find a lovely little neighborhood school that feels like a family, but we have it and I am so deeply grateful for all we have- every teacher in the school knows Miette, and Miette knows almost every name of every kid in the school. There are fewer than 150 kids total. Julian's preschool is across the street, and many kids in his class have siblings in Miette's class. Julian is so loved at his school. It is his little family, full of 5 and 6 year old girls that mother him and boys that he loves to be silly with.

I keep leaving little pieces of myself every time I move- Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, Paris, Hyde Park, La Rochelle. I think it's okay for me, but I am realizing that its' not the same thing for the kids. I am not ready to take their hearts away from here yet, though I know they need to reunite their hearts with their Daddy. I want us to be together and I also want them to have a great school, and a great neighborhood, and all the other things we all want for our kids. We do miss friends and family, it's true, but I guess, all the other aspects of day to day living weigh in heavily on my attachment to being here.

I think I need to do a little meditating and reflecting through a Buddhist lens- everything is impermanent, right Lynn? It is uncertain how long present conditions will remain. Everything is fresh and meaningful, radiant with unlimited potential....But grief is natural too, and I am feeling the grief right now. Trying to let it wash over me, not holding on or holding in, just feeling the sadness of letting go, and the sadness of not knowing. Which can be a joy as well, the joy of potential. Anything can happen but nothing is guaranteed. I suppose the best thing I can do for myself and everyone else is to keep my center strong and clear, and my intentions directed towards positive results.

I will finally out up some photos from Julian's Fête de l'Ecole. He is wearing pom-poms on his wrist and "lifting weights". They did a mock sort of fitness competition for the kids "show" to jazz music and it was pretty cute. I tried a few days back to post the video but it took so long then didn't work that it put me off blogging for awhile. Then I got sick and still feel crappy, and Julian got sick as well,and no on e has slept well for a few nights now. And now in my emotional state I have to pack up our stuff, only 11 day to go- and go to a hundred parties in all my spare time.

I did it!

That's me coming in to the finish line of my 10 kilometer race this morning. It was hot and sunny and at started at 4 PM, all things I'm not used to when I've been running, and it was a strange experience to have to start out running in a crowd and trying to weave around and pace myself in the midst of so many different runners. My friend Florence who has been "training" with me didn't want to actually do the race, so my friend Lucy ran with me though we had only run together once before. I did the race in one hour (and 22 seconds).That was my goal and I did it! I feel great, but my legs are a little sore at the moment! At the end of the race we all got a rose, a t-shirt, and a cool travel hanging toilet kit. There were many friends along the way that cheered us on- all 2000+ participants!! Miette watched with a group of grown-up friends and we saw other parents and their kids from her school both as spectators and (moms) as runners.

My thanks to Juliet for the initial inspiration to try a race!

Jules finally in French

Ludothèque outdoors part 2